Homesick

"I need a vacation," a friend of mine said the other day. I agreed with her--she does need a vacation. I do, too, preferably someplace toasty warm where I can listen to waves hitting a beach.

The ironic thing is, I get vacations fairly regularly. We've been to Florida almost half a dozen times. Last year, we went to Washington D.C. There's a chance we'll go to New Orleans this year (all these relate to relatives in Florida in some way). But every time we plan a trip, a little voice inside my head whispers, "You're never going to get back to Idaho. Never." (The voice also whispers that I'll never get back to Switzerland, but I've kind of resigned myself on that point.)

We started going to the Diamond D when I was about 9 or 10. Idaho can be blamed for the camera that is always in my hand, even now: the first summer we went, I fell in love with the mountains; the second summer, I brought drawing paper (and discovered that I have no talent for drawing); the third summer, I brought my first camera, and the rest is history.

How does this relate to my previous comment that a planetarium made me homesick? No, not the laser light show you might expect (that was in Salt Lake City, anyway). It was the projection of the night sky. All those stars, stars you don't even imagine can exist when you live in a city. The first summer we were at the ranch, I saw a sky so full of stars that it was downright surreal. Sitting in the chair at Wayne State on Monday, looking up at the projections of stars on the ceiling, reminded me of that summer night back in the 70's so strongly it was almost painful.

So why haven't I gone back to Idaho in 20 years? Why haven't I shown my family real mountains, my old house, the diner where I had my first dish washing job, the chapel where my Dad & Stepmom got married, and skies so blue they look airbrushed? $. $$$. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. The benefit of our previous vacations is that they are relatively short, and we can stay with relatives most of the time. An Idaho trip is inherently longer, and would be all motels. There's also the cost of gas & food. I think the last time we were thinking about it, we figured it would cost about $3K. And that's if we didn't stay at the Diamond D! If we're that close, I'd also want to hit Yellowstone, and Jeff thinks that's close enough to Denver to catch a Colorado Rockies game. That kind of income is not currently disposable, if you get my drift.

Don't get me wrong; I love Michigan. It's gorgeous here, especially in the fall, especially if you get out of the city. Almost all our family is here. There are so many opportunities and events here. I've said that if I could live anywhere, it would be Michigan.

But. I do ache to go back, if only for a visit. It is sometimes depressing to look out at nothing but flat city. It is always frustrating when friends send me pictures of snowy mountains. I just don't see how I'm going to home anytime soon.

Edit: Amy's comment made me realize that I left one important thing out of this post, one thing that Idaho has that no place else does, no matter how beautiful that other place may be or how brightly the stars may shine. Idaho has Pat, one of my best friends ever, who is still friends with me even though I keep talking about coming out to see him and never follow through.