Old Worries

OK, here's the thing.  Yesterday I wrote about my new goal, new motivation, etc.  What I didn't mention is the old baggage that it all brings up as well.

Pretty soon I'll be back down to the weight I was at when I got married.  I define "pretty soon" as "within the next six months."  I might not be there by date night, or even New Year's Day.  That doesn't bother me.  I know that eventually, I'll get there.

How can I be so confident?  Well, I've done it before, after all. Twice, in fact. Once for the actual wedding and then again about seven years ago. Getting there isn't the problem.  Getting beyond that, or even staying there, has been something I haven't yet been able to do.

I remember last time; I was so happy to get back into my wedding dress.  My stepmom took me shopping and I got quite a few new clothes. I felt really good.  So what happened? I guess I got bored, complacent, whatever.  A big part of me really can't understand how I let my bad habits creep back into my life.

So now, thinking about "wedding weight" makes me think of a finish line.  I get there and woo hoo!  I'm done.  Except NO, I'm really not. There's still ten more pounds to go after that just to get back to "overweight" instead of "obese," and 25 pounds after THAT to get back to where I think I was when I came back from Switzerland.  That still has me solidly in the overweight category, but BMI won't matter much to me once I'm at that point.

The very concept of being done, of "arriving," is a dangerous one anyway.  I need to make this permanent.  So I'm trying to think beyond that magic number, to other types of goals as well.  I'm going to do the 10K CropWalk next May.  I'd like to go for a Warrior Dash next summer. And although I do plan on getting some new clothes this fall, I don't think I'm going to get too many.  I do still have a fair bit in my closet that are like new, and I'd like to keep rewarding myself as I continue.

Back in February, I told my doctor that losing the weight wouldn't really be an issue (I don't think she believed me).  But really, as long as I'm in the groove and have that goal in front of me, it's easy to stay motivated.  It's after I've eaten the carrot that I have problems.  I think I need to find multiple carrots to dangle in front of my nose for the rest of my life.