So, the Weight Thing

Most of the people who read this know that I've been struggling to get my weight down since last January. I've been doing Weight Watchers online, and really liking it for the most part. I like that WW gives me a lot of control to choose what I want to eat, but stresses a balanced meal plan and reasonable exercise. I lost about 80 pounds.

But for the past few months, I've been struggling, playing around with the same five pounds.

And for the past month, I've been eating like there's no tomorrow. Really - who eats six pieces of cinnamon toast for a snack? Or a half a bag of cheese puffs? I used to not even like cheese puffs (crunchy Cheetos are another story). The only bright side is that I haven't been interested in doing any baking. So at least I'm not eating an entire batch of Whole Wheat Banana Muffins.

What the hell is my problem? Even in the middle of a binge, cramming my face, I'll think, "This is a bad choice. You don't want to do this." But I keep doing it. If it weren't verging on scary, it would be funny.

I think the problem is two fold.

1. I hit the magic number, my big mini goal. I got down to the weight I was when I got married. I got back into my wedding dress. I went victory shopping with my stepmom. I started getting compliments. All that should make me motivated to get all the way to my final goal, right? (that goal is about 40 or 50 pounds below my wedding weight, by the way).


2. I am a stress eater. I've had a little bit of stress lately.


• At first I thought it was just sympathy stress for my brother and his wife (a big project they were working on went down the tubes due to someone else' malice).


• I've been doing a lot of projects: Halloween dresses, Christmas dresses, Christmas pajamas, and dressup clothes. Jeff keeps telling me not to take on so much, but I don't seem to know how to do that. Sewing is fun, but it does add up to more to do.


• Let's see, what else happened about a month ago? Oh, that's right, I started working again more steadily. Don't get me wrong, I really like working. The hours are perfect, the money is good, and it's fun. But it's something else I have to do, even if I'm only doing it two nights a week. Something else to check off my list. Even good stress is stress.

So what am I going to do? Well, I think the first issue is legit, and the reason I was playing around with that same five pounds for a few months. I wasn't working the plan. But until I deal with my stress constructively, I'm going to deal with my stress by cramming cheese puffs into my mouth. That kind of behaviour goes beyond "not working the plan" into "slaughtering the plan like a spring lamb" category, and it's time for it to stop.

Yesterday, I did ok. I didn't binge. I didn't keep track of my points, but I'm pretty well trained to know what I can eat. At this point, not binging is the only goal. Dealing with the stress monster is necessary, because if I ignore it, it doesn't go away. It stuffs cheese puffs down my throat, and I think I've had enough of that.

Today, I'm going to take on some tasks, like exercising and cleaning some of the clutter out of the kitchen. I always feel better when I get stuff done. I feel better - happier - when I take care of myself, too. So I'm going to work on being happy today.